“CHILDERN NEED ATTENTION’’

We can all identify a child who seems to need an inordinate amount of attention. His teachers are challenged by his needy behavior; his classmates, his friends and his siblings are tolerant, but only up to a point; and his parents are often at  end. He is always acting out the adage “negative attention is better than no attention at all.” The most common reason for a child’s misbehavior is his need of attention. The child feels inadequate unless he is constantly at the center of things. He thinks, “I have no place unless people pay attention to me. They should talk about how everybody needs attention; that we all need to interact with others and we need the validation of our friends and the approval of our superiors. Yet, the better we feel about ourselves. Children need a lot of attention. Parenting is not a part-time job  they need attention at the right time and of the right quality. If they receive this attention, they will be satisfied, they will be fulfilled. If they don’t get it, they will go looking for it, often in the wrong way. They will look for it from teachers and from their friends. They will look for it from you. They will demand it from you, and you will end up having to put a lot more time and attention into your children, often in ways you don’t want, than if you had given them the attention they needed when they needed it. We are about what we are doing, the less we need approval and validation. Because we are all social beings we all have social needs, but when one person overwhelms others with his or her need for recognition and attention, others are frustrated and become unwilling to tolerate it.” It’s also important that when we are with our children that we are sharing something of ourselves not just being busy with them taking them places or doing “stuff”. There needs to be that human connection of your heart to their heart.
This  may be very challenging for some parents who, like me, had a demanding role in their work, or who are responsible for other people, or who just have to earn a living for their family without a lot of choices as to how they are going to do that. This is where you may need to have a re-think about your work-life balance, to re-evaluate your priorities, and make some decisions about what is important to you before it’s too late.

I have come to the conclusion that the approach one has to take in parenting is more a matter of looking at oneself, improving oneself and becoming a better person who is more content, patient and tolerant.”